
Sorry. Not sorry
I still use the word “dude”.
I don’t give a dude.
I don’t use it right, but I still dude it.
Sorry. Not sorry
Me: “Another day, another dollar.”
My boss: “Please don’t discuss your salary in front of co-workers.”
My kids have the tuition bills of the children of a much wealthier father.
got kicked out of the louvre for checking to see if the Mona Lisa was a scratch and sniff
Salad is the decaf of food.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Growing up was a huge mistake
Flushing my dead goldfish down the toilet. I am kicking this addiction for good
Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie about how beauty is only skin deep. What’s important is that you’re rich & you have a giant castle
Doing some research on the Fresh Prince of Belair. Does anybody know where he was born and raised and where he spent most of his days?