@sweatheartmoony [There could only be a finite number of possible outcomes to a situation that you are likely to face tommorrow]
Your Anxiety: ummm lets see!
@Greg_1_Leg I talk a lot of shit for someone who often searches for their phone when I’m watching something on it.
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@sweatheartmoony 
@traciebreaux I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
@Kobbejaeger It’s possible to suck at everything if you put your mouth to it.
@MumInBits At 11am my neighbour told me she’d been for a run, baked a cake and done 2 loads of laundry so I told her if she came at me with that kind of talk again I’d have to call the police
@ReeseButCallMeV I wonder if black ants and red ants have beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.
@difficultpatty If uneven eyeliner ever becomes a trend, I am golden.
@bmarked21 It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.
@slender_sherbet Find someone who looks at you like Roger looks at a barbecue.
@PaintedTown Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
@jakob_huber It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors.