@Greg_1_Leg

I talk a lot of shit for someone who often searches for their phone when I’m watching something on it.

You Might Also Like

@sweatheartmoony

[There could only be a finite number of possible outcomes to a situation that you are likely to face tommorrow]
Your Anxiety: ummm lets see!

@traciebreaux

I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.

@Kobbejaeger

It’s possible to suck at everything if you put your mouth to it.

@MumInBits

At 11am my neighbour told me she’d been for a run, baked a cake and done 2 loads of laundry so I told her if she came at me with that kind of talk again I’d have to call the police

@ReeseButCallMeV

I wonder if black ants and red ants have beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.

@bmarked21

It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.

@jakob_huber

It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors.