
You’d think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I’m teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.
You’d think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
If “bae” means bacon and eggs then yes, I’m chilling with my bae
Happy St. Paddy’s Day, everyone. I stayed in tonight. I’m not allowed to go out on St. Paddy’s Day anymore. It’s too much.
I’ll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!
USPS: if you pay us $8 we’ll deliver your package safely
ME: k
USPS: but if you pay $4 extra for insurance… we PROMISE to deliver it safely
Hey, thanks for having me over… But, It smells like something died in here and I’m pretty sure it was the housekeeper…
i like to buy frozen diced onions…gives me extra time to cry about other things while i cook
[Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE’S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN’T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.
Hey women, save your money, we just want you wrapped in a bow for Christmas. Wait, don’t even worry about buying the bow.