@sbellelauren
ME: sometimes i just repeat your name instead of laughing
HANNAH: that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
ME: hannahannahannahannaha
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@miss_foofoo I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ’s. If I’m gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable.
@TheTweetOfGod People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that’s why.
@funnyordie When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?
@WICKEDTRUTH01 Strip search? Fine but I’m going to need some music.
@michimama75 They say you should do something every day that scares you so I napped without the little pillow between my knees and now my lower back is terrified.
@imence2 Twitter is like a very demented game of The Sims. Everyday I check to see how my people are doing and make sure they’re still alive.
@fro_vo Sketch Artist: describe the man who attacked you
Me: he had dark hair-
Sketch Artist: one sec the Peanuts Character Creator is still loading
@darksidedeb [on a date]
Him: I love the law.
Me: [trying to impress] I like food courts.
@funflaps AXL ROSE: Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go-o-o-o?
GOOGLE MAPS: Shut up for a minute and I’ll tell you