@arunbothra Patanjali salt label says it was created 250 million years ago from Himalayan rocks. Expiry is in 2018. Guess they dug it up just in time!😄
@Matt_The_1st I think the saying “every man for himself” was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
You Might Also Like
@arunbothra 
@HuffPostComedy #merica
@bea_ker EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
WEB MD: cancer
@BiscuitFloater Pro tip: Next time you’re at a bar, go up to a woman & whisper “Hey, wanna get outta here?”
If she says yes, you can sit where she was.
@notalogin Girl are you a prescription from my doctor ’cause you might be good for me but I can’t read you at all.
@ShortSleeveSuit [at Starbucks]
Barista: Coffee?
Me: Yes, a medium please
Coffee: I’m strongly sensing the presence of your great grand aunt Lucille
@onthemauve i want my tweets to have a faint hint of humor, like a joke la croix
@dumbbeezie Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
@KentWGraham How can my wife’s hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
@RickAaron I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during “Ellen” and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.