I think this was a scene from “The Birds”
You Might Also Like
A girl on Facebook says it’s officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors.
The secret to good barbecued chicken is to marinate them in the sauce for 3 days prior to grilling. The hard part is getting them to sit still.
Little known fact: a penguin’s head can rotate 390 degrees. Once.
Standing outside your window holding an economy-size bottle of ibuprofen above my head.
me, a police sketch artist: is this him?
witness: did… did you glue macaroni on the paper?
Tonight at my restaurant job a middle-aged white woman looked me right in the eyes, held up the debit machine to me and said, “Can you show me how to not leave a tip?” SO START CROWDFUNDING MY BAIL MONEY Y’ALL IT’S GO TIME THIS IS WHAT WE’VE TRAINED FOR
Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper “Perfect. Master will love you.” This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace…
“You’re sure that’s the right word?”
“Like, 80% sure, yeah.”
“Print it.”
Growing up, Sesame Street taught me the importance of education, empathy, and kindness.
Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, taught me that revenge on my enemies should be quick, clever, and brutal.
When I die, I am going to haunt a hot dog and make it jump out of the bun like a dolphin.
Today’s Tarot Card: Someone keeps reanimating you against your will.
i know walt disney is sweating in his grave watching a yellow sponge slowly replace mickey mouse as the most iconic cartoon figure
If you speak like Fat Albert throughout the entire exam, doctors will prescribe whatever you want.
Keep yelling “dance!” and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you’re going to look like an idiot.
AT&T had a nationwide outage, giving kids an authentic 1900s experience.
Lmao my first taste of adulthood was learning you had to actually pay for Microsoft office. I had be using it for free my whole life as a student. It didn’t even occur to me it cost money to have it at home
What if the brown ones are just clear M&M’s
At a skatepark, older dude outside the fence sees me and yells (heckles) “do a kickflip!”
So I did one.
He then turns to his friend and says: “holy sh!t, he actually did it”
my boss: Your emails are full of spelling errors. Please watch that
me: not today santa
Brie is my favorite cheese that sounds like a white girl you meet for a mani/pedi while drinking Chardonnay & quoting “Mean Girls.”
Puts myself out there
Puts myself back bc wtfff
I have so much to offer this world but I am so far behind on my shows.
This could be us but you keep mumbling about your dignity.
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Left water in the car in case I was thirsty & now I can boil pasta in my mouth.
ME: [whispering]”Yes, 911? Someone’s breaking into my house!”
911: Stay calm. Do you have an address?
ME: “um no. I have on pajamas”
My eyes: (seeing something in my peripheral vision)
OH MY GOD A GIANT BLIMP IS CRASHINNG OUT OF THE SKY AND HEADING STRAIGHT FOR OUR FACE
(one second later)
We’re getting a correction from the brain:
it is the world’s tiniest moth
Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
Friend: Take my advice, girls love guys with pets
*later*
Me:*holding a snake to date’s face* his name -stop screaming- his name is Carl.
Krang: My robot body will crush my enemies but they will always be reminded of my brainpower because they will see me through a window!
Henchman: In the h-
K: In the stomach, yes!