I thought I typed “twitter” in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail….

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“How old are you? Wow, that’s really weird. That seems too young to be a bitch”


Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.


Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there’s doctors EVERYWHERE.


I’ve been introducing myself as Jim The Chosen One ever since I was named milk monitor in grade 6.


Only whores show their boobs. Only uptight bitches won’t show their boobs. Please show me your boobs. Women are crazy. – men


A lot of birthdays in November. It’s as if there’s some kind of romantic peak in or around mid-February.


I am starving and horny. This cucumber is going in me one way or another.


Careful guys it’s raining cats and dogs outside and the ones that aren’t dying on impact are super pissed