@Kate_Goldsmith

I thought I typed “twitter” in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail….

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@WorkaholicsQ

“How old are you? Wow, that’s really weird. That seems too young to be a bitch”

@Gorrdano

Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.

@9to5Life

Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there’s doctors EVERYWHERE.

@JimmerThatisAll

I’ve been introducing myself as Jim The Chosen One ever since I was named milk monitor in grade 6.

@PuddingBoobs

Only whores show their boobs. Only uptight bitches won’t show their boobs. Please show me your boobs. Women are crazy. – men

@realfunghi

A lot of birthdays in November. It’s as if there’s some kind of romantic peak in or around mid-February.

@Shariv67

I am starving and horny. This cucumber is going in me one way or another.

@YayForJam

Careful guys it’s raining cats and dogs outside and the ones that aren’t dying on impact are super pissed