@smiles_and_nods

I told a second grader today I didn’t have a cell phone when I was his age and he looked at me sadly and said oh so you had a flip phone?

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@KatMcSnatch

Tip for twitter newbies:

Before you start using twitter, please make sure this is really what you want to do with the rest of your life.

@bottlerocket

Twitter keeps throwing in “in case you missed it” on my timeline…. I’ve been on twitter for the last 16 hours, I didnt miss it.

@FunInternetGuy

One time I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day

@robfee

Johnny Depp could lose 250 hands of strip poker in a row and wouldn’t even have all his thumb rings off yet.

@Social_Mime

Yes I can speak a foreign language if you count when I talk about the 80s in front of my nephews.

@Shariv67

You can blame those “meddling kids” all you want. But let’s face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost.

@reallifemommy3

Hoping they’ll teach my kid to flush the toilet in college because there are no indications that he’ll figure it out before then