I told my grandmother to act her age…. then she died.

You Might Also Like


Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put “anal” in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc


I can’t believe I used to talk to people.


New research in early toy-purchase psychology has found that the majority of parents subconsciously hope their children become xylophonists.


My wife just opened my car door for me.

Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.


Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.

Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.


That job interview was going so well until I realized I was fucked up on acid in the middle of a cornfield naked and talking to a scarecrow.


When improv teams ask for suggestions, I like to yell “Learn a trade before your father cuts you off financially!”


Kids look forward to recess.
Adults look forward to Reese’s.