@TopherKearby MEN:
Developed Theory of Relatively.
Walked on the Moon.
Painted the Mona Lisa.Baffled by bra hooks.
@SaraESpivey I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
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@TopherKearby 
@tat2skatermom I’ve always been such a “waiting for the other shoe to drop” type of girl.
I’ve decided I’m now going to be the “throw the shoe at your head and run first” kind of girl.
@comer310 Yes, of course I love French films.
Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?
@Matt_The_1st Me: yes, I’ll take the free burger
Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one
Me: I only want one though, the free one
@ClickHole Just a friendly reminder!
@Aikiwomannc Lou loved his job but if he had a nickel for every time someone asked if he was “monitoring the situation” he would never have to pay for another rat dinner.
@froghammer People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Jesus was the size of a cat.
@circlejokes I jack off in the shower using only L’Oréal conditioner. Why? Because I’m worth it.
@timdonakowski Your baby’s cute. Not baby elephant cute, but still cute.
@RichardDreyfuss You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.