I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.

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Developed Theory of Relatively.
Walked on the Moon.
Painted the Mona Lisa.

Baffled by bra hooks.


I’ve always been such a “waiting for the other shoe to drop” type of girl.

I’ve decided I’m now going to be the “throw the shoe at your head and run first” kind of girl.


Yes, of course I love French films.

Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?


Me: yes, I’ll take the free burger
Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one
Me: I only want one though, the free one


Lou loved his job but if he had a nickel for every time someone asked if he was “monitoring the situation” he would never have to pay for another rat dinner.


People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Jesus was the size of a cat.


I jack off in the shower using only L’Oréal conditioner. Why? Because I’m worth it.


You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.