The “eye for an eye” philosophy isn’t exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.
I want to be a pilot, but mostly so I’d have an excuse to tell passengers, “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
You Might Also Like
The last layer of skin finally grew back on the roof of my mouth from the Hot Pocket I ate in 1987.
Friend nagged me for TDKR OST. Renamed Backstreet Boys song and mailed them to him. Fun.
INTERVIEWER: You worked in a NASCAR pit crew? How does that qualify you to work here at the Men’s Wearhou
*I’ve already changed his pants*
Her: Is breakfast almost ready?
Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage.
Her: Can’t we please wait till after breakfast for that?
Fool me once, I buy a gun. Fool me twice, I pull the trigger.
Tried a new approach to filing taxes this year.
People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They’re not laughing now because it was ages ago.
I’m 25, which means I’m just as far from 10 as I am from 40.
Although, in terms of money and maturity, I’m still way closer to 10.
5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would “have a piece of cheese and calm down”
So, yeah, she’s mine.