@noog sumtimes i go 2 hard tho
@KalvinMacleod [ice cream parlor]
WIFE: I’ll have two scoops of vanilla
ME: me too, u could say I want an
WIFE AND CLERK: please don’t
ME: ice cream clone
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@noog 
@MarfSalvador Wildebeest: 5 cheetahs on the horizon sir
Wildebeest Sergeant: How many men do we have?
Wildebeest: 4,000
Wildebeest Sergeant: RETREAT!
@thegallowboob its that time of the year again, don’t forget to hang your missile toads
@TeflonPawn If you’re looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.
@ValeeGrrl If you guys need me I’ll be strutting confidently through a parking lot toward a car that turns out not to be mine.
@matt_travelling Why do people say tunafish, rather than just tuna?
Is that to differentiate from the tunacow and tunagiraffe?
@thegrugq I’ve now had my account locked and been forced to change my password so many times it is up to: password1234567
@aimlessamers I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not even an actor.
@MyPornKhan When folks unfollow me shortly after they’ve followed me I just figure they sobered up.
@E_lok44 married sext…
him: I’ll be home soon
her: don’t you threaten me