I’d like to make my hangover regret me for once.

You Might Also Like


*heist at the louvre*

Me: *jiggling handle* crap it’s locked


Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.


Them: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say to someone?

Me: Probably… Saskatchewan

Them: …

Me: or Worcestershire


*aggressively puts Hello Kitty stickers on random Harley Davidsons*


Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.


What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy’s house and he’s really pissed


Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you’d better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise


*Dolphin accidentally dials fax number


Dolphin:Well, I don’t normally do this. But yes I’m free tonight