*heist at the louvre*
Me: *jiggling handle* crap it’s locked
I’d like to make my hangover regret me for once.
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Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.
Them: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say to someone?
Me: Probably… Saskatchewan
Me: or Worcestershire
*aggressively puts Hello Kitty stickers on random Harley Davidsons*
Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.
What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy’s house and he’s really pissed
Contest: “Wrong hole.”
Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you’d better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise
*Dolphin accidentally dials fax number
Dolphin:Well, I don’t normally do this. But yes I’m free tonight