I once made 200 pairs of panties hit the ground at the same time.
Yeah I walked into a rack at Wal-Mart
If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?
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Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.
Call me old fashioned, but I’m dying of smallpox.
Once I found there was no popcorn in popcorn chicken there was no reason to try pot roast.
Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy
HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on
Why is mild cheddar even a thing? Who are these people who can’t handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market?
Ladies: The “silent treatment” is not a punishment. Try the “sit next to him and cry and or frown excessively treatment” instead.
*sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise*
*holds up sign from desk*
YOU’RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS
My girlfriend just explained to me that people can’t actually go through black holes, and now I don’t really care about space anymore.
If you’re not going to card me for wine, then don’t card me when I ask for a senior citizen discount.