If Elsa could bring snow to life why didn’t she make herself some pets? I’d have like 50 snowcats by now.

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I’m ashamed to admit it but I would absolutely wear a cologne that smelled like an instruction manual from a just-opened Gameboy Color game


The fact that there’s gonna be a Joker 2 just means Batman isn’t doing his god damn job


I don’t have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is “blender without the lid on”.


Give a man a catfish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to catfish and he can have Internet boyfriends in 7 different countries.


My dog thinks I’m the most amazing person on the planet but I don’t let it go to my head since I’m pretty sure the cat has me figured out


Once I tried to rescue this kitten stuck in a tree only it wasn’t a kitten it was an owl and he was, like…he was fine there.


Toe: He just banged me into his dresser. Should I give him the most intense surge of pain he’ll ever experience?
Brain: Wait 2 seconds.


Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad


Not Wordle. Just a cactus.




7 across) Person you work with, 9 letters
21 down) Person you hate, 9 letters