@squirrel74wkgn Welcome to my home. There are 43 night lights just in case you’d like to wander the house at 3am.
@JermHimselfish If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it’s horn in my mouth.
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@squirrel74wkgn 
@ArfMeasures THERAPIST: Ever had a job?
ME: I once worked at a zoo
T: Great! & what did you take from that?
ME: Definitely not a penguin
T: What
M: What
@JimmerThatisAll There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.
@UncleDuke1969 Someone is yelling!
The voice is familiar…
How they rave and they rant!
Is it Jackman?
Or, Laurie?
Hefner or Grant?– Horton Hears a Hugh
@iAmDelFreaky “It’s not about who’s right or wrong.”
~ The person that is wrong
@XplodingUnicorn Me: Now do you believe me?
Wife: The fridge isn’t haunted.
Me: Then who made all that ice?
Wife: *walks away*
Me: WHO?!
@ozzyunc Is being in two bands cool? Depends. If you’re a high schooler: yes. If you’re a lobster: no.
@KatMcSnatch My ex sent me a text saying “please delete my number…”
I sent one back saying “who’s this?”
@Cheeseboy22 I’m a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me.
@UncleDuke1969 respect
