Bummed cuz parents wont send their kids to my resort that teaches how to pay attention.
I thought “Concentration Camp” would be a gold mine.
If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
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My client’s (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I’m obviously doing my job right.
1997: Skynet becomes self-aware
2029: T-1s are sent to kill Sarah Connor
2034: Warranty expires on T-1s. 99% of them break down within hours
Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning.
She told me she’d do anything for 20 bucks. Guess who just got his Mustang washed.
Just posted missing flyers of my cheeseburger all around the neighborhood. So far, no cheeseburger. It’s as if people don’t even care.
Dyslexics are teople poo!
Bat 1: Do you ever think God made us blind so that we may see the world for what it truly is?
Bat 2: (startled) who said that
On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.