the flight attendant came down the aisle holding out a bag of trash to me and i was like “sure what the hell” and grabbed a couple pieces
‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’
You Might Also Like
Ever think about how carrots taste more like the color orange than oranges do?
When people ask me about my hobbies, I tell them I’m into birdwatching, photography and meeting new people.
It sounds better than stalking.
She gives you butterflies.
She makes your hands sweat.
She sends chills down your spine.
She just gave you her stomach virus.
I can’t wait til my kids become adults so I can go over their houses & throw clean laundry all over the floor.
I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it.
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant.
Sorry I dressed up your babies for a cowboys and Indians reenactment.
It was super cute until the smallpox incident.
My daughter just started singing “I ate some brains down in Africa,” and now I kinda like her version better
Before I was married I had no idea I was sneezing wrong.