@ColoradoUgly What is the appropriate age to tell your child that you’ve given up on them?
@HollyMemphis If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
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@ColoradoUgly 
@Reverend_Scott DOG 911: What’s your emer-
DOG: THERE’S WRAPPING PAPER EVERYWHERE
DOG 911: for you to tear up and eat?
DOG: NO THEY’RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY
DOG 911: OMG
DOG: OMG
@Rollmaninoz Enter password:
“ScoobyDoo”
sorry password must contain a special character
ScoobydooFeaturingBatman
@ATRightMovies James Bond is trending so here’s ROGER MOORE in the greatest celebrity story ever. #JamesBond
@ilovepie84 This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the “Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen” that should confuse her for a while.
@gerryhallcomedy When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don’t tell them you need it by a certain date.
@omically I’m not transphobic, I used to play with toy locomotives all the time!
@meganamram When I die I want to be cremated and blown in the faces of my enemies
@WilliamAder If it wasn’t for the 140 character limit, I’d be on Chapter 27 of my first tweet right now.
@Tommytoughstuff “How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I’m good.”