You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.
If someone bumps into you while you are wearing camouflage you have no one to blame but yourself.
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Before NASA sent Curiosity, Mars was bustling with cats.
Yeah, I’m basically a Pokemaster.
*waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*
Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl
with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9
[first karate lesson]
Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!!
Sensei: Do you mean ‘Banzai’?
Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
I wish my seven-year-old daughter would stop using air quotes whenever she calls me “Dad.”
Me: I’m heading off now.
I just filled up my gas tank and went to a movie and bought a large soda and popcorn, I spent roughly 7000 dollars.
5 SECONDS AGO!
What do we want?
TIME TRAVEL JOKES!
When do we want them?
Favorite Food: Yes
Favorite Movie: Star Wars
Favorite Book: LOLZ