@MikeDrucker Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.
@QuickandSisi If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning.
You Might Also Like
@MikeDrucker 
@TheCiscoKidder Drive down the middle of my street and make me squeeze by you, so I know who to murder first when the apocalypse hits.
@tastefactory My cousin was Mulder on Halloween. He loves the X-Files! Oh stupid autocorrect. That should have said “murdered”. And “loved”, past tense.
@HomeProbably I was asked to babysit once but it didn’t go very well.
You’re not meant to sit on them.
@tchrquotes What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn’t eat whole rotisserie chickens?
@JeffSarcastic How many glasses of wine equals two servings of fruit?
Asking for a friend.
@Kennedydp5 The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from
@Kori_Okie I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
@ArfMeasures SCIENTIST: I want you to meet my robot
ME: Wow
SCIENTIST: He has limited functionality. He can’t hold a conversation or express emotion
ME: Ok
SCIENTIST: I was talking to the robot
@DosieDoe I had a race with a smart car today.
I was winning at first but my God there’s so much I can walk.