@DiamondLou69

If the band Toto, drummer Tommy Lee & singer Marvin Gaye ever got together and made an album…

…I’m pretty it would be Toto Lee Gaye.

You Might Also Like

@Form52

I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay

@Love_bug1016

[trying to impress date]

Him: I want someone who’s not afraid of a little PDA.

Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*

@internetluke

[on phone with mom]
SHE SAID YES!!!!
“congrats, son”
I asked her if she thought I was weird
“Wait what?”
She thinks I’m weird. We broke up

@TheAlexNevil

This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.

@Reverend_Scott

[first date]

HER: So, I hear you’re a dog person-

ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU

@GensPlace

We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: ‘Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces…’

@DrunjAF

What idiot named it “proposing marriage” and not “engaging the enemy”?

@meantomyself

My 5 year old memorized my phone number and I just figured out he gives it to everyone he encounters