If they can put a man on the moon they can make a pair of glasses that scream before you sit on them
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AC just changed cole slaw to coke slaw so I’ll be busy looking for new recipes
or a new dealer. depends on the recipe I guess
[you cannot sleep while there are enemies nearby!]
Me: lol buddy…
Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs?
Nobody works at Walmart?
“Misinformation” oh you mean lies, just say that
Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent
This girl from my hometown just named her baby Brogan and everyone just let it happen
I asked the wife what she wanted for her birthday and all she said was ‘after all this time you know what I like, surprise me’.
Anyone know how to go about the harvesting and storing of souls?
[second week of being able to talk to animals]
omg you like food I get it
the only thing i remember from my time in school is the teacher explaining to my 8yo self, the difference between desert and dessert. “you always want two desserts and that’s why there are two s’s”
Son: If angels have wings with feathers, do they lay eggs?
Questions I’m asked before 7am