“If you are fat you will die,” said the thin ppl, who would never die.

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Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new ‘I walked to school in the snow without shoes’


“I’ll be back” –Arnold Schwarzenegger as getting into a 2-person horse costume


Me: waiter, what kind of choy is this
Waiter (who is a chicken): bok


[First Date]

HER: I love dogs.

ME: [Trying to impress her] Waiter, give us your finest Labrador – medium rare.


Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08’ album at 4am.


I’m no political expert, but as far as I can tell the Republican strategy seems to be:
“oh you think BUSH was terrible?”


Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.