If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.

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Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.

Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise


I think my nephew finally figured out that there’s no chameleon in this cage & that his Xmas present is a cage.


If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.


After all of the screaming I’ve done, you’d think that this roach would give it up and WANT to die.


Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.


She promised to teach me wax on, wax off. Only now my chest is bare, I’m frightened of candles, and pretty sure I still don’t know karate.


I know I’m gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.


When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers.


As ice water runs down my face I conclude, “Boy, you sure like to eat bread!” is not a comment a lady on a dinner date enjoys hearing.