@Donna_McCoy

If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.

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@SteveKoehler22

Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.

Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

I think my nephew finally figured out that there’s no chameleon in this cage & that his Xmas present is a cage.

@DannyZuker

If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.

@dhanisthavenus

After all of the screaming I’ve done, you’d think that this roach would give it up and WANT to die.

@FatherWithTwins

Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.

@SortaSarcastic

She promised to teach me wax on, wax off. Only now my chest is bare, I’m frightened of candles, and pretty sure I still don’t know karate.

@GensPlace

I know I’m gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.

@Elephart

When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers.

@Henry_3000

As ice water runs down my face I conclude, “Boy, you sure like to eat bread!” is not a comment a lady on a dinner date enjoys hearing.