If you upload these, I hope you enjoy hell.
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why are poetry books so expensiveee. each page will be like:
i am home.
if you knockand the book is $49.99
*pulls up to drive thru window
Hi yes, do you guys deliver?
I caught a wild peeve, but it’s always bothered me when people make pets of things so I let it go.
Dear people who write “That’s it. That’s the tweet” at the end, we know it’s a tweet. It’s Twitter. Can’t be a tax return.
Sexy lingerie is for single folks… cause when you married, and you gotta fold that shit, it loses all of its appeal… I’m over here struggling, makin a buncha thong balls… these joints is harder to fold than a fitted sheet… #SaturdayMorning
[Theater]
GF: I got M&M’s.
Me: I can’t eat those here.
GF: Why?
M: *exasperated sigh* Because it’s too dark to separate them by color.
I always cry at those YouTube videos of babies getting hearing aids and hearing their mother’s criticism for the first time.
Wife: We’re so happy we finish each other’s
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Marriage Counsellor: ok so not happy
You’re a cunt. Maybe that’s why you’re alone.
Me: Ah-chooo!
CW: Allergy season! Is there something in here irritating you?
Me: Everyday.