@stevieboatleft
@david8hughes Animal testing is pointless. We already know they’re animals.
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@david8hughes 
@noog If your kid’s shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.
@schumoo Avoid the embarrassment of mispronouncing their name by immediately forgetting their name
@GraceSpelman This idea is the best gift I’ve ever given myself
@DamonHunzeker Vader: “I am your father.”
Luke: “I am your father.”
Vader: “Stop copying me.”
Luke: “Stop copying me.”
Vader: “Shut up.”
Luke: “Shut up.”
@lovejulieacafe So UBER is not a dating app?
*sigh*
I kinda thought all those ‘Goodbye’ kisses seemed more awkward than usual.
@dshack8 So then I said, “Spit on it first, then see if it’ll fit.”
…And that’s why my wife no longer allows me to help our son with puzzles.
@Elizasoul80 Dr: If you want to lose weight, you need to do things that’ll make you sweat.
Me: *applies for a loan*
@InternetHippo What should we call this giant advertising board?
PHIL: A philboard
BILL: I have a better idea
@writerPT Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I’d be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.