If you wanna be my lover
– I’m listening
You gotta get with my friends
– ….I’m listening

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The Five Sizes of Penises:
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2. Medium,
3. Large,
4. Oh My God!…and
5. Is that available in white??


Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.


The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that… it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine – William Shakespeare


They say to avoid things that excite you when it’s time to sleep, but what’s more exciting than getting to sleep?


This fall on Fox:
X-Files Babies.
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[job interview]

“Have any questions?”

Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?


an alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet


Boss: It’s a make or break situation!

Me: I’ll take a break then tnx