@maxverygoodboy

If you wanna be my lover
– I’m listening
You gotta get with my friends
– ….I’m listening

You Might Also Like

@TeeJayRush

“Get in the van if you want to live.”

Creepy Terminator…

@FetishBitch

The Five Sizes of Penises:
1. Small
2. Medium,
3. Large,
4. Oh My God!…and
5. Is that available in white??

@goldengateblond

Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.

@JamesCoolie

The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that… it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine – William Shakespeare

@JohnLyonTweets

They say to avoid things that excite you when it’s time to sleep, but what’s more exciting than getting to sleep?

@praisecheese

This fall on Fox:
X-Files Babies.
Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.

@Reverend_Scott

[job interview]

“Have any questions?”

Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?

@AndyAsAdjective

an alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet

@cookie_mumbles

Boss: It’s a make or break situation!

Me: I’ll take a break then tnx