@LeftOf_Normal

If you want people to stop talking,
pull out a stop watch, start it and keep staring at it.

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@audipenny

Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope

@TheBoydP

Who’s the idiot that named it a Brazilian and not a Tropical Smoothie?

@AsgardianRose

The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.

@daemonic3

An evil villain is on the loose

Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again?

[giant kid with magnifying glass emerges]

Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me

@michaeldean0116

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader…….

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?

@

If I had a time machine I would go back to the Star Wars era and kill baby Darth Vader

@online_shawn

On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system

@ShittyComedian

When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn’t have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed.

@thegrugq

I’ve now had my account locked and been forced to change my password so many times it is up to: password1234567