@audipenny Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope
@LeftOf_Normal If you want people to stop talking,
pull out a stop watch, start it and keep staring at it.
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@audipenny 
@TheBoydP Who’s the idiot that named it a Brazilian and not a Tropical Smoothie?
@AsgardianRose The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.
@daemonic3 An evil villain is on the loose
Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again?
[giant kid with magnifying glass emerges]
Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me
@michaeldean0116 If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader…….
@JimmerThatisAll This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?
If I had a time machine I would go back to the Star Wars era and kill baby Darth Vader
@online_shawn On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
@ShittyComedian When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn’t have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed.
@thegrugq I’ve now had my account locked and been forced to change my password so many times it is up to: password1234567