@trevso_electric

If you want to know what a girl will look like in 30 years, stop talking to her and show up to her house in 30 years to check on her.

You Might Also Like

@carlyken

A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.

@Try2StopME

Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes.

@KindaHagi

“Needs to be punchier” — someone who has no idea what they want and wants you to figure it out

@subtweetopath

HER: let’s be open about how we really feel. I’ll go first I love you.

ME: Ok well… I really, really, don’t want Naruto to end

HER: wtf?

@Boleyngirly

When someone asks “You know what I think?”, I say “Yes I do”. End of discussion.

@SumukhComedy

Every Liam Neeson movie now is just him talking on the phone then killing people, right?

@bourgeoisalien

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother

@slimmy_shady

Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible V. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone’s gaydar.

@Reverend_Scott

Me: Welcome back to Fishin’ with Jesus. We only caught two fish so far-

Jesus: [standing on water] Count those fish again *winks at camera*