When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people……
If you watch “The Empire Strikes Back” backwards it’s about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad’s identity he starts hitting on his sister
You Might Also Like
“Joe Biden and I are so close, some places in Indiana refuse to serve us pizza.” – President Obama
Whoever is stealing my socks – at least take both of them
It actually only takes girls 5 minutes to get ready, the rest of the time we’re just smooshing our boobs together and posing in the mirror.
Wow my pants are really loose today
*skips to the nearest vending machine*
heres my To Do List – become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists
OUCH I HAVE A FOOT CRAMP
[Walks on toes]
Drink some water
[Crawls on knees]
[Lays on floor]
It’s like campers and hikers don’t understand that nature will come to you if you just don’t mow the lawn.
Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
I hate when someone is killed in a movie. While normal ppl watch the scene, all i’m doing is try to catch the dead character breathing.