@capricecrane If they made “I Know What You Did Last Summer” now it would be like, duh, of course you do, I posted it all on Instagram.
@JohnLyonTweets I’ll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I’ve felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower.
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@capricecrane 
@HenpeckedHal Some say their relationship is built on trust. Others, friendship. Mine is built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
@Bizarro_Mark Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.
@skickwriter I have a confession…
I don’t like Oreos.
And it feels so great getting that off my chest!
*blocked by all of Twitter*
@envydatropic I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who’s got access to filters
@mommywhitfield *Shaking Magic 8 Ball*
“Will I ever not feel tired again?”
*Magic 8 Ball erupts in hysterical laughter*
@UnFitz “How many fingers do I have up?”
– a gynecologist who thinks he’s really funny
@TheAndrewNadeau If nobody else is going to say it I will: I think Gaston eats too many eggs.
@NewDadNotes Ginny Weasley: so like what are we?
Harry Potter: [slowly reaches for invisibility cloak]
@sbellelauren shout out to camera phones not being invented until well after my glo-stick period