I’m beginning to think some of you are not your Avi’s, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.

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Google would like to use your current location. Allow/Deny? Allow
*100 Google employees throw a party at my house*


I bought “extra whitening” toothpaste and now my teeth are spending a year in Korea teaching English


Fitted sheet? You should see me try and fold a thong.


“It’s ok. This is normal for her.”

– How my friends explain me to others.


Sometimes I’ll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he’s reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.


“Is Phil coming tonight?”
“Phil Smith or Phil that has the eyesight of a bird?”
*suddenly a man runs face first into the sliding glass door*


Step 1:Make pillows with”Love” printed on them

Step 2:Become a lawyer

Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love

Step 4:Become rich


I must have more than ten fingers because I broke like 17 nails today