@ApocalypticLoFi Why do we “shush” our dogs when they bark at the postman when 98% of our mail is bills?
Dogs get it.
Next time, join in.
@The_Sculptress I’m going for a run. I have some severely unused sexual energy and tension I need to pound out.
I should be back in about eight days.
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@ApocalypticLoFi 
@imence2 This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.
@GloriaFallon123 You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.
@GabbbarSingh Death metal fans are complaining abt all the noise. Irony.
@Kateness8 Mustaches are just nose hairs that believed in themselves
@SarahRydgren I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.
@iAmDelFreaky I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@Js_Dark_Reality Sleeping without you is a waste of bed.
@blaudiablogan Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page.
@trevso_electric My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.