Why do we “shush” our dogs when they bark at the postman when 98% of our mail is bills?
Dogs get it.
Next time, join in.
I’m going for a run. I have some severely unused sexual energy and tension I need to pound out.
I should be back in about eight days.
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This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.
You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.
Death metal fans are complaining abt all the noise. Irony.
Mustaches are just nose hairs that believed in themselves
I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.
I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
Sleeping without you is a waste of bed.
Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page.
My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.