@Defiant_Doll

I’m going to say sky diving is probably not for me since I just screamed when the toilet seat shifted.

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@hansabumsadaisy

What kind of bait does a librarian use when he goes fishing?

A bookworm!

#RubbishJokes #AmazingFacts
#ThursdayThoughts #ThursdayVibes

@oxygenplug

If I was a doctor I would scare my patients by pretending to go check google every time they asked me a question

@LikChan

I’m laughing way harder than I should for this image.

@funderlaw

I hacked into my wife’s computer and un-justified the margins on all of her documents.

@dumbdora77

News:”a black bear hovered over a convenience store in central Florida for more than seven hours…”

They have hover bears?

jealous again

@DurtMcHurtt

TEACHER: can anyone tell me what ostracized means?

ME: *hand up*

TEACHER: again, it’s not a workout video for ostriches.

ME: *hand down*

@Darlainky

Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom.

@kevinthedad

My 5yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot

@juneohara65

Me: “Bless me father, it’s been 13,505 days since my last confession.”
Priest: “You’re off to a bad start.”