@SardonicTart

I’m going to start eating healthy again so I need to eat this half of a leftover cake to get it out of the house.

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@quantumsleep22

My thoughts are as pure as snow… after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.

@What_Fuckin_Eva

FUN FACT:

Scientists have proven, there IS in fact life outside the United States.

@UnFitz

10: Dad, what’s a cliffhanger?

Me: Well, son …

[to be continued]

@kryzazzy

Anakin went out for a pack of Siths and didn’t come back until his daughter was a big shot politician and his son was halfway through Jedi College

@OBiiieeee

Cop: where ya headed?

“the gym”

Cop: im gonna save you a lot of embarrassment and arrest you

“thank you so much, officer”

@0ne_1980

You are what you eat.
*eats Ryan Gosling*
*crosses fingers*

@KateWhineHall

“Oh my gosh, this is the biggest donut I’ve ever seen.”
“Mam, that’s a tire.”
“Kids, get me a napkin.”