@holly_hjk If a group of necrophiliacs ran into group of zombies…who would do the chasing?
Oh, I went there…;)
@Home_Halfway “I’m gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it’ll be a mom scrapbook” ~ Mark Zuckerberg
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@holly_hjk 
@Book_Krazy Cute cat
“Thanks. We dont let him in though cause he shreds”
You mean sheds?
“No” [gestures to cat shredding to Van Halen on the back patio]
@Henry_3000 You say I’m handsome but you also said your employer cancelled your optical coverage & you haven’t had new glasses in 4 years, but thanks.
@murrman5 [wife talking to me on phone 45 mins after I go to play poker at friends house]
“stop crying for a second…what do you mean you lost me?”
@alexjmann I’m going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
@momsense_ensues 7’s new favorite animal is the spider.
He tells me fact after fact about them, he’s made the background of his school iPad a spider, and he shows me pictures constantly.
I’ve been a pretty good mom, so I’m not sure what I did to deserve this.
@carlyken “No, YOU’VE had too much to drink!”
~Me, to this bar stool
@RAFtailgunner A cute bank teller told me he wanted to make love to me in the vault. He’s kinky, but at least he’s into safe sex.
@kenwhacksit I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn’t starving!
@JoshuaPotash Wait a second…
