@FattMernandez One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.
@MrOrenWagner I’m gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop.
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@FattMernandez 
@PimpBillClinton Ladies, the word for the day is “legs.” Spread the word.
@Try2StopME CAUTION:
Even if your wife uses dual a sim phone, save both the number under one name “WIFE”.Never save it as “Wife 1” & “Wife 2”.
@StruggleDisplay You mistake a basketball for a dodgeball ONE TIME and now your kids won’t play with you
@YourMomsucksTho kids are fun because the only time they stop eating is when you put effort into making meals for them
@polyhumorous Why did it have to be the dog? I have the hubby insured for $1.5 million.
@ericsshadow If being successful was an amusement park, I’m the kid that drove his bumper car in the corner and can’t get out.
@CroweJam Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she’s in charge of North Korea.
@liberaldogsays Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.
And throw them.
@OrangeFact Sometimes I’ll order things online & pay for handling but not shipping. I don’t want the product; I just want them to move it around a bit.