@SavageDabs69
@Goldishocks Just told my kids they had to share. Now they are dressed in long blacks wigs singing if I could turn back time.
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@Goldishocks 
@VeganZebra *walks into IT department attempting to look cool*
You guys torrent any emails lately?
@sixfootcandy I filled my brother’s shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!
@OkButStill (tickling you a little) add me to your cell phone plan dude cmon
@WoodyLuvsCoffee Mom asked about a stock she’s owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I’ve mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls
@weinerdog4life Last Halloween I had to explain to everyone that I was not a ghost with a boner, but I was just a ghost and I happened to have a boner.
@YourMomsucksTho this holiday season i simply wish for everyone to have the gift of happiness, like the extremely misplaced happiness of a high schooler who just graduated and thinks the hardest part of life is finally over
@Donna_McCoy Computer problems can be solved with duct tape if you apply it directly to the mouth of the person asking you to help fix their computer.
@ju_floripa If you want to hide something from me, put it in the fridge. there are several things there celebrating birthday
@BacklineNurse I watched Mad Max and now I’m riding my dog around my living room using two bananas as guns