I’m in my 40s and know all the right mauves.

~ Me, flirting

You Might Also Like


Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing.


Men come and go, cities rise and fall, whole civilizations appear and disappear but the one thing that remains steadfast is my teens unfailing attitude


My 4 year old walks around the house with a walkie talkie clipped on his pants like he’s here installing high speed internet.


No one:

My Dad at dinner last night: It takes a lot more to burn off your fingerprints than you would think.


The biggest myth about travel is “packing light” – don’t bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.


I tried to kill a bug with febreeze but it didn’t work and now the room smells like lilac and fear.


The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.


*steals someone’s soul*
*steals someone’s mate*

*Creates a soulmate*