I’m Mexican and Filipino. No matter how you look at me, I’m good at cleaning.

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As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.


Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you’ll change your mind real quick.


How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?


The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the cockroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.


Curiosity didn’t kill that Black Cat. It was Jesus. It crossed his path and Jesus is very sensitive about being crossed.


By the power vested in me by my credit card, I now pronounce you my new fluffy hat. You may now hug my head.


Me: Ugh, no more wine! My face looks puffy!

Me, 20 minutes later: *sips a glass of wine while wearing gel face mask*


Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.


I hate when you get all excited bc someone says they had a dream about you and then you find out you were just there holding a clipboard