I’m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
You Might Also Like
My unsolicited parenting advice? Clip your kids toe nails with your mouth closed. You’re welcome.
THIS SIGN MAKES ME SO HAPPY 😊😊😊
Fifty Shades of Grey is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer park it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
I decided to change things up for my neighbors. Instead of seeing me topless, they caught me bottomless.
Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out?
*unfollows
*blocks
*stews
*hires assassin on Craigslist
*unblocks to monitor situation
Son: I’m gay, dad.
Dad: no I’m gay dad
Dad #2: no I’m gay dad
Son: Thanks for the dating advice
Her: HE gave you dating advice?
Me: Hey! I know a thing or two about women
Her: Name one
Me:
Her:
Me:
Her: Well?
Me: Give me a minute
Ohh, no thanks. I have seen a baby before
Linda longed to linger longer, but the alliteration police were nearly onto her
“I have a cure for your burning bush.” — Moses hitting on the ladies
If my kids made a Lego Movie song
Everything Is Stickyy
Anywhere Is Cool For Wiping Your Hands
Everything Is Stickyyy
And Mommy Will Scream
Ex-wife died in a car wreck yesterday. Didn’t send flowers, thought might be weird to the family. That and didnt know other drivers address.
Whenever I see a dog in a movie, none of the rest of the movie makes sense.
Why are you dealing with all this conflict and drama?
WHY AREN’T YOU AT HOME WITH YOUR DOG??
Seductively sings in Klingon.
oh u love jesus “with all of ur heart”? name 3 of his albums
I’m not your GameBoy, quit pushing my buttons
Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? “Not to be confused with each other.”
My 5yo didn’t wanna get in the bath last night so I told her it was filled with birthday water and this was her only chance to experience it until her next bday and I’ve never seen her get in the bath faster. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna ride this parenting high for a bit.
Homeschooling, Day whatever: This school really needs a new janitor.
People always go, “Why can’t there ever be peace in the Middle East?”
We can’t even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That’s why.
Sorry but this is the best bird story I’ve ever read. The update is *chefs kiss*
Do you think the earth is flat? Blink once for no, have a lobotomy for yes.
Parkour is the act of moving through an environment in the fastest way possible. It’s all about speed and efficiency.
Now imagine the opposite of that. The slowest, least efficient way, to get to where you need to go. That’s what happens when my kid says he’s taking a shortcut.
writer: ok so a guy and girl named jack and jill
editor: ugh 2 lame white kid names. fine, go on
writer: well, they go up a hill
editor: i’m already bored
writer: to fetch a pail of water
editor: kill me
writer: no trust me it gets better
Cashier: Big weekend plans?
Me: *putting pile of microwaveable meals for one on counter* You know it.
[dollar store orientation]
trainer: and how much does this cost?
me: um, a dollar?
trainer: wow are you sure this is your first day
5yo: Mom is 47!
Husband: She doesn’t look a day over 40.
Me: I’m 37.
The walk of shame but it’s my toddler handing back his string cheese because he could not in fact open it himself
[in deep space]
Everyone: [in hypersleep]
Me: [wakes up every few hours to pee]
no my tattoos do not have any meaning i am simply a child putting permanent stickers all over myself<3 stop asking pls