I heard recently that many people hate it when you tell them they are in your thoughts & prayers during times of difficulty.
I don’t want to be insensitive to anyone’s feelings. So from now on, I’ll just say “sucks to be you.”
I’m not buying it that each village only had one idiot
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[petting friend’s new guidedog]
so how did you get here?
“he brought me”
[later in bed w/ wife]
did you know dave’s dog can drive a car?
[Getting ready to go out]
Her: Is that what you’re wearing?
Narrator: He thought it was, but he was wrong.
My husband suggested I tone down the Botox and just age gracefully. And I laughed and laughed. But didn’t scowl. Cuz Botox.
A secretary walks into her boss’s office and says, “Can I use your Dictaphone?”
He says, “No, dial with your finger like everyone else.”
ME: What would you like to name your new cat?
ME: But it’s a cat.
KID: That’s the cat’s problem.
When a friend dies, I’m not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally “poke” them to see if they’re still dead.
So many mixed messages in the media. Titanic tells us “never let go.” Frozen says “let it go.” Smdh
Him: i like a girl who’s not afraid to take charge
Me, a rhinoceros: nice
Does WebMD ever just say “you’re fine, there’s nothing wrong with you, go play outside you drama queen?”