@noog

I’m not here to judge anyone’s religion. I’m here to judge their misinterpretation of it.

You Might Also Like

@AdamDavis

*about to kiss girl*
*butterflies in my stomach*
*I vomit, thousands of butterflies fly out*
*they pick up the girl and fly away*
Man not ag

@dlicj

Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I’m not the kinda guy who’ll kiss intel

@chopper4jk

I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.

@mattytalks

Funny that Lebron couldn’t even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs

@Aikiwomannc

Lou loved his job but if he had a nickel for every time someone asked if he was “monitoring the situation” he would never have to pay for another rat dinner.

@noog

After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.

@Cpin42

I’m not telling you how to raise your kids, Phil. I’m just saying..fire is dangerous and babies can’t juggle.

@randomlawless

When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they’re like “I’m lactose intolerant.”

@LeaMehanna

Wearing high heels and releasing doves at weddings are so last century. I’ll be wearing running shoes and releasing chickens at mine