Just saw a rainbow………great now the sky is gay
I’m not like other girls. I am Mothman.
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Sometimes I’m scared I’ll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I’m not so scared anymore.
The human brain isn’t able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button.
That toddler on a leash at the mall might be an unstoppable killing machine. You really don’t know.
Jesus died for our sins.
But then he came back to life.
Pretty sure that breaks the deal.
•detective flips open pocket watch•
Hmmm…precisely what I thought
“What’s that sir”
It’s lunch time
Added some new forms of payment to this store…
Haloween is over, but i just saw a group of people dressed up as the ghosts of the Cone Heads.
I automatically write off anything Donald Trump says because someone with that much money has no excuse for that hair.
*gets woken up by a tap on my shoulder*
“Daddy, how do you get yogurt out of the toaster when it’s done toasting?”