@david8hughes
@AngieDavisHaha Local news : box full of kittens mistaken for a bomb. I have to go to this town. I may be mistaken for Megan Fox.
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@AngieDavisHaha 
@thetobbie The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC…
@MrEd_EVH A $300 dollar bat won’t fix a $2 dollar swing
-life lessons from Softball Coach
@KimmyMonte Can’t believe no one told me that cows can’t walk down stairs. Now I’m stuck with all these attic cows.
@JohnLyonTweets I don’t care how much candy he offers you, kids, do NOT get out of Billy Ocean’s dreams and into his car.
@SamSykesSwears “If Bernie doesn’t get the nom, I’m voting Trump.”
“Also, if McDonald’s is out of chicken nuggets, I’m going to eat 20 scorpions.”
@In_Otter_News2 I said NO, Steve! It’s a terrible idea. We’ll never get away with it…
@AllanForsyth Bought a pair of Converse shoes months ago and they haven’t said a single word to one another.
@Reverend_Scott [rubs magic lamp]
GENIE: You get 3 wishes
“Anything?”
GENIE: No wishin for more wishes
“I wish for more genies”
GENIE: I don’t like you
@QwertyJones3 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19
-Prime Minister