In space, no one can hear you scream. Because it’s space, and everyone is on the ground. What are you even doing up there?
I’m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to shit indoors.
You Might Also Like
me: can we discuss my crippling fear of elephants?
therapist: i’m all ears
throwin a party tonight
raccoons $10 since y’all wanna be both
I was confused when my wife asked me what I spent $108 on at the liquor store. I answered “liquor?”
All is not a trick question. Apparently
A candle with no wick, is just wax, but a wick with no wax, is just string.
What else… ummm… no, I guess that concludes my TED Talk.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
Sure! What’s your name?
“Uhh. I don’t know. I never get this far”
You don’t know your name?
*sweats* Pants are cool
me: a boat!
me: *writing* day 287, she’s still afraid of boats
Thank goodness I have subtitles on, otherwise how would I know there is sinister cackling
Me: Forgive me father I have sinned
Priest: Get out of my house
M: But it’s a big sin
P: *sigh* Speak child
M: I broke into your house
How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies?
Me looking at your eyebrows