@KDsMorning

I’m not sure where you ladies go to learn how to argue, but that place is good

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@JamesBarretts

Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity

@KalvinMacleod

HER: I’m ending this
ME: why?
HER: you’re way too literal
ME: I promise I can change
HER: prove it
ME: *puts on a different shirt*

@FormerHumorist

Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video!
*clicks on “Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?”*
Haha whoops wrong video but LET’S HEAR IT OUT

@Book_Krazy

What do we want?

A CURE FOR PARANOIA

When do we want it?

WHO WANTS TO KNOW

@jimmytorosian

What idiot called it “leaving right after sex” and not “nuts and bolts”?

@PerfectPending

Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent.
All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it

@s_cLaN07

My mother is the strongest woman I know.

You should see how far she could throw a shoe.