I’m not sure where you ladies go to learn how to argue, but that place is good

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Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity


HER: I’m ending this
ME: why?
HER: you’re way too literal
ME: I promise I can change
HER: prove it
ME: *puts on a different shirt*


Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video!
*clicks on “Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?”*
Haha whoops wrong video but LET’S HEAR IT OUT


What do we want?


When do we want it?



What idiot called it “leaving right after sex” and not “nuts and bolts”?


Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent.
All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it


My mother is the strongest woman I know.

You should see how far she could throw a shoe.