@KDsMorning
@JamesBarretts Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity
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@JamesBarretts 
@handsforkeys Avenge me but only if it’s convenient.
@KalvinMacleod HER: I’m ending this
ME: why?
HER: you’re way too literal
ME: I promise I can change
HER: prove it
ME: *puts on a different shirt*
@iSubsisting Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.
@MichelleDBlonde I’m not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example.
@FormerHumorist Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video!
*clicks on “Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?”*
Haha whoops wrong video but LET’S HEAR IT OUT
@Book_Krazy What do we want?
A CURE FOR PARANOIA
When do we want it?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW
@jimmytorosian What idiot called it “leaving right after sex” and not “nuts and bolts”?
@PerfectPending Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent.
All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it
@s_cLaN07 My mother is the strongest woman I know.
You should see how far she could throw a shoe.