I’m not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people.

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Ima weiner. Damn I meant winer. Dammit I’m a winner. Hucked on fonics it made me look like an moroon.


There are many reasons relationships don’t work out.
DIstance should never be one of them.
You want them?
Go get them Xxx


I’m sorry you think my tweets are shitty. You probably shouldn’t have inspired them.


If my ex taught me one thing it’s that women don’t like it when you sneak in their bedroom to watch them sleep after you’ve divorced.


When I’m feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don’t seem so bad.


I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn’t even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.


Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.


I don’t hate kids, I hate sociopathic little assholes raised by yuppie cunts who feel saying “no” will stifle the child’s creativity…


When did white people become such fucking pussies?


Some of us just had a bee in our shirt and we weren’t actually KungFu fighting.