I’m really worried Justin Timberlake is going to have me naked by the end of this song.

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We’re having lobsters for dinner .

Update – we have pet lobsters now


Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I’ve decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand

She’ll love it


My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers’ dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.


My EX sent me a text today saying “Happy Anniversary” I replied, best one yet.


Enter password:


sorry password must contain a special character



Schrödinger’s wife: Have you seen the cat?
Schrödinger: I have good news and bad news


“Welcome… To Jurassic Park.” “But some of these dinosaurs are from the Cretaceous Period–” “WE ALREADY MADE THE SIGNS”