@Shariv67

I’m rubber. You’re glue. He’s glitter. She’s decoupage. Welcome to our crafting gang.

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@notalogin

People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it’s literally my only goal for most of the day.

@abhorrent_wife

Thanks to Target’s full length 3 way mirrors, I’m now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.

@kendragaylord

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

@ianabramson

I just found out that they made an entire movie based on my favorite Will Smith song “Men in Black.”

@LindaInDisguise

The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.

@brendohare

Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn

@daemonic3

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog’s pre-puke warning grunts.