People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it’s literally my only goal for most of the day.
I’m rubber. You’re glue. He’s glitter. She’s decoupage. Welcome to our crafting gang.
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Him: Do you know what your problem is?
Thanks to Target’s full length 3 way mirrors, I’m now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
I just found out that they made an entire movie based on my favorite Will Smith song “Men in Black.”
*looks at you in batman voice*
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog’s pre-puke warning grunts.